death from above!

(no subject)

Bored?  Here, watch a couple of minutes of some idiot radio show host trying (and failing) to hide the fact that he doesn't know what the hell he's talking about, while two reporters laugh their asses off at him:



cadbury

(no subject)

Ok, I have to share this.  Stolen from a Cracked article about racist ads.  It may be racist, but I find it hysterical.  (Plus, you know, eye candy.  So there's that.)  It's a commercial for an Italian brand of laundry detergent or something:


And then there's the sequel, which made me laugh harder:


...You're welcome.
cadbury

(no subject)

Well, so much for that.  I had insomnia again last night and when I finally fell asleep Rebecca started up and was cranky for the rest of the morning.  So at 3 am (before I fell asleep, even though I'd been lying in bed since midnight) I turned off my alarm.  Up at 11, which really doesn't leave too much time to do anything other than take care of Rebecca and myself.  On top of that, I tweaked my back last night, to the point that I was trying to herd Rebecca while she was crawling because bending over is excruciating.  I'm sure some of it's due to the exercise, but it didn't hurt until about 10 pm, so I'm not sure how much is just the fact that I haven't seen a chiropractor in over a year.  But my mom's got this muscle stimulator thingy that she said might help, so I'm going to use it tonight and try again tomorrow.  I'm determined to give this a decent shot.  And my muscles are achey today, so the exercise is doing something.  But I'm thinking that every other day might be best for now anyway.

In other news, this is one of the stupidest, catchiest songs ever and I wish I could download it as an MP3 (although I think it does lose something without the video).  This one's another:




hope

(no subject)

Today went well.  I was in bed by midnight and asleep not long after that.  I didn't sleep really well, but I got enough rest to be up at quarter to 8, which is earlier than I had been planning but I figured what the hell.  Got up, took care of Rebecca, had breakfast (so far I've only skipped breakfast once since I got down here--thanks to insomnia I slept until almost noon), putzed around on the computer while I digested, and then I worked out.  As in, actually put a workout DVD in and kept up with it.  Shocking, I know.  It's a bunch of 10-minute workouts, which I figured would be good for seeing how far I could go--if I felt better, I could do another workout, if I needed to rest I could stop without feeling like I was wussing out.  (I did one.)  Rested, took care of Rebecca, put her down for a nap, did some cleaning (the microwave smelled awful, so I did what I could to get it to stop stinking, and I straightened up some cabinets), did the same 10-minute workout thing again (I figure I'll stick with one until either I get it mastered or I get more energy), had a shower (god, did that feel good), had lunch, took care of Rebecca, and then started cataloging stuff for E-Bay.  So while it's not as productive as I would've liked, I still feel pretty good about it.  And I'm going to try to do it every day.  If I can, before you know it I'll have a much healthier lifestyle.

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So we'll see what happens.  I know I've tried stuff like this before, but this time I feel really hopeful.  And let's face it, I still haven't heard back from the temp agency, so what else have I got to do with my days?

shit

(no subject)

Well, looks like it's about time for another ungodly long update.

For those of you who haven't been following the drama on FB, James and I are "taking a break".  Here's what happened:

One Monday night not too long ago, I decided that I was going to lose my mind or kill myself (not exaggerating) if I didn't get to take some time for myself.  So I stuck Rebecca in the bedroom with James and went off to the movies.  Now, here are the problems with that:

1)  He was trying to sleep
2)  I didn't tell him where I was going

And here's how I justified it to myself:

1)  He never seems to give a shit when I'm sleeping; it's not uncommon for him to be watching Rebecca while I take a nap and to just come in and wake me up for no goddamn reason other to say Hi.  Apparently he thinks it's cute if he's got Rebecca with him, but he did it before we had her too.  Yes, kisses and affection are nice, but I let you fucking sleep when it's your turn, I'm asking for like 2 hours of being left the hell alone.  Then he'd get pissed when I got cranky.  So I figured, maybe this will show him how fucking irritating it is.

2)  There have been plenty of times when he's either left or tried to leave without telling me where he's going.  I've woken up at 3 in the morning because his keys are jangling, asked where he was going, and gotten "Out" as an answer.  So I figure I'm allowed to do it this one time.  Also, he went to see Zombieland twice, and was going to go see another movie before he decided he was too tired, all without consulting me.  So I figured it was my turn.

Now, I don't know--it still seems reasonable to me, but in case it doesn't to you, remember that I was exhausted and hadn't had time to myself in ages.  And I literally was contemplating putting Rebecca to bed and then downing a bottle of pills.  I was down to debating which pills to use and how many to take at once.  So this was more or less an emergency.  I needed to get out and spend some time alone.  So I went to the the two Toy Story movies.  I was the only person in the theater, and I enjoyed myself thoroughly.  About halfway through the first movie, I realized that not only was I not stressed anymore, I was actually happy.  and I was looking forward to going home, rather than dreading it.

I got home around 10, and James wasn't talking to me.  I figured Ok, he's pissed, which I expected, but he'll get over it.  If nothing else, we'll talk about it and he'll see that a)  it wasn't such a big deal and b)  I fucking deserved it.

Until right before he left for work.  That was when he told me that it was over.

Over the next two days I tried to work things out with him.  I tried talking it out, finding out what went wrong, seeing if there was anything I could fix, and so on.  I didn't beg, although I cried plenty.  When he said that there was nothing I could do to change his mind, I went about packing and trying to find a moving company.

Thursday night, he said that he'd decided he wanted to try to work things out.  At this point, however, it was too late.  The movers were scheduled to come at 9 the next morning, my mom was coming up Saturday, I had already quit my job and told the landlady that we'd be out by the end of the month.

So what I suggested was that we get back together in December, when I go back up for my internship presentation, and talk things over then.  That way we both get our space and some time to think things through.  Come December we'll figure out if it can be fixed and how.

So I'm with my parents at least until the end of the year.  At first it was absolutely hell, because my mom kept reminding me (ostensibly on behalf of my stepdad) that I'm expected to actually do something, not just sit around.  I already planned on looking for a job, helping out around the house, helping with groceries, and, once I get a job, paying rent.  I can't really blame my stepdad for thinking that I'd be useless because on visits down for breaks, I didn't want to do anything.  But that was vacation.  This is different.

I'm also being reminded constantly that I'm not wanted here.  Oh, I can stay here as long as I need to, but not one minute more.  Of course, I'm not planning on staying here longer than I need to.  So all these lectures are doing is making me feel completely unwanted.

But all in all, things--while not anywhere near what I want--are not that bad.  I get up in the morning, take care of Rebecca, and we have the house to ourselves until 3.  Around 2:30 I do dishes and make sure that everything's picked up for when my stepdad gets home, and then (usually) we head on upstairs to my room, to be out of his way.  I try to stay out of the way as much as possible, and it's going ok.  During the day and sometimes at night I work on going through things in my room so that when December rolls around I'm ready to move out--to wherever I'm going.  It's a nice routine.  And I'm working on getting into a better one--to bed earlier, up earlier, breakfast every day, that kind of thing.  So hopefully when we move back out I'll be able to keep a healthier routine going.  And once I get that down (having trouble with the sleeping habits), I'm going to plan in time to work out.  I started working out some after I had Rebecca, but when I started at Wally World, I was always so hurt and exhausted after work that I couldn't.  But I'm going to try to get into the habit of that, too.  What I'd like to do is make up a sheet of how much I weigh every morning--it'll be painful to look at at first, but hopefully it'll keep me going.

First, though, I have to fix my sleep habits.

So that's it.  It sucks but it could be worse.  The biggest thing is money--2 months is a long enough time to put a strain on my finances but not enough to really find gainful employment.  So I'm waiting to hear back from the temp agency, my mom's friend has my number in case she needs help on her farm, and I'll be selling things on E-Bay.  Hell, maybe somewhere in the miasma of my room is something that will buy me my new car.

One of the things that I'm fighting is the thought that I turned out to be a single mother who can't afford to live on her own.  I feel like I'm white trash, and my degrees are useless in this economy, so that doesn't help anything.  I know that this is just a temporary setback and that I'm better than that, but I can't get the thought out of my head, especially at night.

I just need to get back out to the barn.  The first day that I'm up before my mom leaves for work, I'm going to see about taking the car and visiting Sandy.  I doubt she needs help, but she may know someone who could use a hand for a month or so.

We shall see.
death from above!

(no subject)

I really don't care whether or not you like Zero Punctuation.  Either way, go watch this one.  He does the whole thing in limerick form, so it's pretty damn entertaining.
crazy

(no subject)

"The City of Eden is a novel of hypocrisy where after a world cataclysm, a utopian corporation arises. But a religious god fearing man believes that god failed his children in chaos & moves as the chosen one with a horde of holographic plasma soldiers to overrun the utopia, gain a godly crystal & hypnotize the people to forget god. It’ll take an atheist soldier spy to stop him protecting the people’s freedom to worship god despite the fact that he doesn’t."

...What?  Sorry, they lost me after the "horde of holographic plasma soldiers".